Update: I’m Not Okay (I Promise)
Folks have been asking for an update on the fundraiser and my health situation.
The good:
The fundraiser is getting close to it’s goal of getting all of my dental work cleared! As of today, 12/9, we’re working towards getting the last of my cracked teeth fixed. The GFM is is at $18, 760. If I get $1000 by next Thursday, I can get a crown for my cracked tooth. This means I can finally get a mouth guard that fits my teeth. I’ve been using one from the drug store that you’re only supposed to use for two weeks, for two months. It’s very uncomfortable sleeping with a hunk of plastic in your mouth that doesn’t even fit. It also means I can eat non-mushy things. I’ve been terrified of putting more pressure on that tooth because cracking it even further would mean my fundraising costs would increase due to needing a root canal. While I won’t be able to have sharp crunchy foods for a long while, I would like to eat sautéed greens and cucumbers soon.
When the GFM hits 23K, I can get the last filling and permanent crown, meaning my dental work will be over. I think we can hit it soon!
My medical and dental support team is amazing. My doctors are so helpful and I’m in good hands. I don’t have to fight for tests and referrals. I’m getting an ultrasound, a little wearable heart monitor, and a sleep test coming up. For now, we’ve been able to rule out the autoimmune diseases that run in my family. That feels great!
The bad:
I will be unable to return to my career as an organizing director for the next two years. I would like some privacy around the specifics, but I was close to something more like organ failure (and would lead to organ failure if untreated) and need to rest and recover in order to be healthy. That means the high-stress, high-pressure movement roles are a no-go. It comes with lifestyle changes of no drinking, no coffee, bedrest two days a week. Please stop sending me job applications, I need to heal and rest.
This is hard for me, even before I started organizing at a young age, I was always involved in “giving back”. I was the queen of volunteering and extra curriculars. It’s just how I am, when I have I give. When I’ve taken “breaks” from organizing I ended up doing unpaid work because I care deeply about the liberation and support of my people. This is the first time in my life that I can remember not having that. I’m sick and I can’t do that. I know that there is more to life than martyrdom and cycles of burn out as a response to mass human suffering. I know that. Yet, this is hard for me and I need space from the expectation that I need to be doing social justice work right now. I’ve built a whole identity around my worth being based on my helpfulness and my productivity and I want the people in my life to be supportive of the growth I need to do in order for that to change.
Another rough decision I’ve had to make is to go on medi-cal instead of COBRA. I haven’t gotten a response for my rent reduction request and I couldn’t juggle COBRA payments and rent. This may mean increased medical costs down the line, but for now I’m working with what I have access to.
The ugly:
I’m different now. I’m sick. I don’t have the energy I used to have. I’m experiencing fatigue like I’ve never experienced. I can wake up at 9am, and go to bed at 5pm, and wake up again at 9am still tired. You might start a conversation with me, see me post about the fundraiser, and not get a response for a few days, not because I don’t want to talk but I genuinely need to sit down and focus so everyone isn’t getting “cool” and “ok” when talking to me.
I’ve been having some rough symptoms that have almost landed me in the ER. Severe abdominal cramping, eczema, vertigo. I feel like things are so touch and go. I’m not close to death or deeply catastrophic health consequences (like I was when I was fighting an active gum infection that was spreading despite anti-biotic treatment and I couldn’t afford care) but I do know that without time to recover and rest, I could end up back to where I was.
My dental healing journey after this work is completed will be 8 months - separate from my medical issues. I’m eating foods that are high protein and anti-inflammatory so my dental implant doesn’t have complications. It means that even in the depth of my fatigue, I need to be cooking and monitoring my body’s reactions to foods. I also can’t skip meals to save money.
That being said, if you have a platform and think a podcast spot or an IG live will help get donations, I’m down to hop on and talk about organizing, astrology, or whatever. I just need a little bit of a heads up to coordinate with doctor’s appointments. Which leads me to my next point.
How you can support me:
Include a donation to my Gofundme on your behalf when sharing your holiday gift lists, and holiday updates with others.
Alaina of Sea of Change Astrology is offering a custom Altar Cloth to benefit my fundraiser. Check it out here and DM to claim.
When sharing my fundraiser to your social media pages, please post a little bit of text alongside it, like an emoji, how much a donation is appreciated, how you know me, and any information. When fundraising requests are shared with some personal info, people who know you are more likely to donate because they can see we’re connected, and that I’m a real person.
Diandra Linder is offering an astrology reading in exchange for $50 donation to my fundraiser. Check it out here for more information.
Include my GFM link in your online bios, and regularly shout me out. If you need ideas, check out my “Solidarity!” pinned story on Instagram to see videos, posts, and general calls to action around my wellbeing.
Feel free to raffle off personal items for donations - let me know if you need sample language and I can send it over.
and lastly, I just want to thank everyone for their donations, boosting, and support. In a system that discards us when we’re unproductive and ill, I feel very grateful that I was able to fight against a system that would have let me get sepsis and lose my housing instead of making healthcare, housing, and food something available for everyone regardless of income.
alyssia